I don’t know about you, but I usually practice yoga alone. Not totally alone mind you…in a class with other people, but alone on my mat. This is just the way I have always done it.
I recently decided to stop in at a studio I don’t usually go to because I had appointments near there. Everything started out just fine…it was a challenging class and I was enjoying the series of asanas. The teacher then stopped and asked all of us to find a partner. Red flag. I had heard the term partner yoga before, but had never really embraced the idea of getting that close and personal with a total stranger. I thought it was something only married couples did together and quite honestly thought it was just a bit freakish.
So now to find a partner. To my left two women had already partnered up, so I look to my right and much to my dismay I discover the only male in the room sitting there smiling back at me. Now this wouldn’t have been such a bad thing if he had been a young hottie…the guy you see in the movies taking yoga classes, totally buff and half naked. No such luck. He was one big sweaty mess. Obviously the class had been a bit too difficult for him so far because you could wring his shirt out and it would form a puddle at your feet. So lucky me, I get to be this man’s partner.
In my wildest imagination, I could not have envisioned the positions this woman was about to put us into together. Here we were, two complete strangers intertwined in positions my husband would have been impressed with in the bedroom. To give you a visual, I started out in Downward Dog with this sweatball straddling my head. He then sat down on me and had to completely lie down on my back while I held him up. He was a bit of a pudger so this was no small feat. I could feel his sweat drenching into my shirt and was trying hard not to gag on the stench. Next, I had to get into childs pose and he sat his buttocks down on mine and proceeded once again to lie down on my now sweat drenched back. (That’s HIS sweat, not mine). We got to hold this position for a while as he relaxed and moaned a bit enjoying his stretch. We followed this up with him massaging my back to loosen things up before we switched positions. Then, it was my turn to be on top. Oh joy! I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. I was trying so hard to hold in the school girl giggles, but they finally got the best of me. I just started cracking up…body shaking, the works. I have a feeling he felt a little insulted by that, but I honestly couldn’t help it.
I couldn’t even look this man in the eye as I left the class that day. I felt like I had just had a one night stand with a total stranger…with a roomful of witnesses no less. Since I had previously made plans to meet a business associate for lunch and then get a haircut after the yoga class, I had to proceed through the remainder of my day with the scent of this man’s sweat lingering on my body. I can honestly say I’ve never been more grossed out in my life. The moral of the story…yoga is best done alone.
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